Self-control, part IV: The source
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
St. Paul (Galatians 5:22-23 [NIV])
I have spent the past several days contemplating upon, and writing about, the Biblical virtue of self-control. I have argued that it has been unfairly devalued by modern society. I have exhorted you, dear reader, to consider whether you need to build more self-control into your life. I have suggested broadly how to begin implementing self-control by developing habits of right and healthy behavior. But I have only hinted, thus far, at how to obtain the real power of spirit needed to do this successfully.
To be plain, developing self-control where there is none requires an outside source of strength. This is not a strange, bizarre, unheard-of idea. Such social institutions as Twelve-Step groups have insisted for a hundred years that we need a higher power to accomplish freedom from addictions like alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual addiction, and many others. As my third post in this series suggests, ancient followers of Christ used to engage God through monastic lifestyles in order to free themselves from such forms of personal slavery. Wherever men have had a yearning to live free of the shackles of self-destructiveness–sin, to use the classic term–they have grouped together to seek strength from God and accountability from each other.
You can read books, and not find self-control. You can go to religious services, and not change within. You can watch videos from popular inspiration speakers, and never grow. Let me say it again: Self-control requires an outside source of strength.
Ultimately, this strength has to come from God. You might not like hearing that; when Alcoholics Anonymous founder Bill Wilson approached Dr. Bob about what God had done to release him from alcohol, Dr. Bob didn’t want to hear it. Thus, as AA was born, they began to talk about the “higher power”. God was still the source, even if some were unwilling to fully embrace him. (God is humble enough that he isn’t offended, by the way. God is willing to work his way in through whatever crack we may allow in our lives, until he has won our hearts.)
God may (and usually does) work through the lives of others who have won this battle. He may occasionally work a much more dramatic intervention in the life of the struggler, where no other means is available. But it comes from God. God is the Lake Victoria of this great Nile of healing; the Lake Itasca of this Mississippi of power.
You may consider yourself too weak and helpless to begin. God does not. ”A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory,” St. Matthew records Jesus as saying, quoting the prophet Isaiah (Matthew 12:20 [NIV]). You may be a broken twig lying on the ground, a sputtering flame about to die. But God will not let you go, if you will only cry out to him.
I found liberation from depression as a teenager, when I cried weakly out to God from the bottom of my despair. God delivered me in a way I have not heard of elsewhere. He began to make a man of me. He led me in a path of self-control that has enabled me to avoid many terrible traps. He is still shaping me.
God is the source of self-control. He is willing to lend you his strength, to help you put one foot in front of the other on the path to victory over your bondage. He is willing to pick you up when you fall. In truth, he has a purpose for your life and your struggles. He will use your pain to bring healing to others. Your life is neither hopeless nor meaningless. There is something that God wants you to do to reach out to others, if you are willing.
October 21, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Sounds like ya got some “control” issues buddy…
My way of dealing with emotions is to accept them as they pass through me, and let them go. I let go of the emotions that I find negative, and those I find positive. When I let go of attempting to control the emotions, and begin accepting and letting go of them, they lose their power over me.
October 23, 2009 at 9:14 am
There’s no arguing that emotions happen. They have to be dealt with. And in order to do that, one has to be able to control one’s behavior long enough to “let them pass.” So many times, the man who does not have self-control does not let them pass, but reacts without allowing himself a crucial moment or two to process them. The man who has no self-control will self-medicate, or flip out, or otherwise behave self-destructively. (That’s something I’ve had to learn to overcome over the years; I think it’s an important developmental task toward maturity.) If a man can develop self-control, the emotions do not drive him. He can allow them to influence him in positive ways rather than negative ones.
In order to have authentic freedom of action within oneself, one must be able to exercise control over one’s response to emotions. And a part of that is being able to acknowledge the emotions rather than denying them. An important part of self-control is self-knowledge; being willing to admit to oneself what sorts of external triggers are likely to bring on strong emotions.
Learning to know oneself is a very important topic. It’s something I want to explore. There’s a lot of thoughts that come to mind as I contemplate this idea. Your comment was very thought-provoking.